Some highlights from President Obama’s speech at tonight’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner

erier2003:

“These days I look in the mirror and I have to admit: I’m not the strapping young Muslim Socialist that I used to be.”

Regarding the controversy over Jay-Z going to Cuba with State Department authorization: “I’ve got ninety-nine problems and now Jay-Z’s one.”

On his former senior adviser and the liberal media: “David Axelrod now works for MSNBC, which is a nice change of pace because MSNBC used to work for David Axelrod.”

“The media landscape is changing so fast. You can’t keep up with it. I remember when BuzzFeed was something I did in college around 2:00am.”

“Sheldon Adelson spent $100 million of his own money last year on negative ads. You’ve gotta really dislike me to spend that kinda money. Sheldon would’ve been better off offering me $100 million to drop out of the race. I probably wouldn’t have taken it. But I’d have thought about it. And Michelle would have taken it.”

butthurtbandboys:

while everyone was fighting harry was probably dropping coins into a tip jar that doubles as a basketball hoop and giggling to himself and whispering ohhhhh it’s a 3 pointer from styles

pumpernicklefagbag:

ragehappystolemysleep:

harrystylesnickgrimshaw:

when I’m a parent, I’m going to give my child the day of the full moon off from school every month and see how long it takes the administration to notice

reason 325 why tumblr users should never be parents

reason 325 why tumblr users should definitely be parents

Damn, girl
Damn, you’s a thirsty bitch, a thirsty bitch
Damn, you’s a sexy bitch, damn, girl